Hospitales #3: Nurses who are bitches...

#1. The Shaving Nurse: This one wasn't really too much of a bitch, I guess she was just a tactless tw*t. As part of my operation 'prep', I had to shave my legs (in case they needed a vein from there), my chest (obviously), my arm-pits and the crease between my pubis and my thigh. This is not so great at any time, but this was the night before my op. and I was shitting myself. The reason the shaving nurse is on the list is because a.) She insisted on kneeling in front of me whilst I did it and b.) She allowed the anaesthetist into the bathroom to "say hello" whilst I was bollock naked. The last thing you want whilst standing naked with microscopic wedding tackle and shaven legs, is to have to shake hands with a stranger.

#2. The Puking Nurse: One drug side effect I did not mention last time was a day of constant vomiting straight after my op. I also had to try and eat/take medicine and hold it down. I knew I had to time each tablet right, so I could keep it down long enough for it to take effect. When it came time for the evening meds, I was due a sleeping tablet. I asked the nurse if I could wait till I felt less sick before I took the sleeper. "No, no, you'll be fine!" she chimed, and made me take it. Of course I puked it up straight away. So I asked if I could have another as I really needed the relief of a good night's sleep. "No, certainly not" explained the nurse "It's very strong medicine, we can only give out one a night..." AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!

#3. The Stone Cold Bitch: Two days after my op. I was moved from the intensive care unit to the medical ward, without passing through the high dependency unit, which I was supposed to. I had four vistitors, and no chairs by my bed, except the one I was to use when they were changing my bed. I asked one of my sons to sit in the chair and a nurse flew out of nowhere to tell me that was for patients only. I explained that this was my son, and I was happy for him to sit on it, as I was lying on the bed. She started to go on about rules and procedure. I started to argue back in my drug addled state and said that it was 'my chair' and I wanted my son to sit on it. I know at one point I used the word "f**k" or "f**king", because the nurse sent for the ward sister to speak to me. The ward sister was very sympathetic to me, however, and very unimpressed that my first impression of the ward was an over-officious nazi-nurse who was more concerned about rules and regulations than ensuring her patient's well being. She went home in tears that evening, presumably after being told to prioritise what any person with half a brain would understand was really important...

Now normally I would hate to see anyone in trouble 'cos of me. But I'll be honest, she made me shed a few tears of rage and frustration, I wasn't devastated to see her shed a few over her mis-management of my care.