I'm hoping that this series will not be a long one, as I'll be very happy to put this whole time behind me. I was chuffed to see Barry here, as well as J. One because Barry is almost single-handedly keeping the SJY alive, for which I am eternally grateful. J is one of my blogging heroes, and FKWS was always intended to be something like J's place (It isn't because J's is SO MUCH more of a professional affair. "Hospitales" was meant to be like "J in Japan", although with much less interesting subject matter!
Mr. Sonnyboy has been there for me on a number of occasions, and along with BJ is someone I consider a true friend, despite never having met in 'real life'. So as soon as Junlee, Gnome and Nebacha get here, I got all my homies in the hood, and it's all good.
However, dissecting this heart op. experience is what it's all about, so I guess I'll get started. First of all I'll explain what's been done. My chest has been sawn through, to allow access to my right aortic valve, which has been replaced by a plastic one. If you put your fingers below your 'adam's apple', you'll feel two bones, called (I think,) your clavicle(???) Well the first weird thing was for me to feel one bone in that space. They've fused the two together whilst closing it up! Clever, but odd nevertheless.
So you can imagine they needed some heavy duty drugs to get you through that... And despite seeing the pain off quite effectively, the side effects were horrendous. But I'm getting ahead of myself....
My current year of poor health, started when I fell down the stairs rushing to get to work. I dislocated my shoulder and on that occasion, the nitrous oxide (laughing gas) administered was just great. It took all the pain away and I was stood laughing and joking with the nursing staff whilst my shoulder jutted unnaturally into my field of vision.
This injury led me to a couple of months of heavy boozing, with no work to get up for, and I reckon that's what led to my heart condition (which I was born with) coming to fruition at 42...
That lead to me having to give up drinking which I stupidly really got annoyed about. I now wish I hadn't pissed so much of my life away, but hey you live and learn! But again, I digress...
This time, the major drug used in anaesthesia and pain control was morphine. (You know, Michael Jackson's 'droug du choisir'...) I have no idea how anyone could use this shit for any length of time. Famously used for patching up wounded WWI soldiers so they could struggle on fighting, and also named after Morpheus, God Of Dreams, this drug is one I had never really experienced (And believe me dear brothers I've done 'em all....)
First of all, lets get onto the minor side effects. Increased body heat... Hot, sweaty, palpitations. Itching, intense itching of hands and feet. UGH!
Visuals: Whilst my eyes were open, I just saw the normal ward. Eyes closed? Immediately the scene was replaced. This is when I would 'see' the patients and staff that had filled the wards before. VERY scary. Other than that I would see vast landscapes of wires and tubes, electrical cable and strange patterns, a little like this:
Movement: I've experienced auditory and visual hallucination before. They don't phase me. But at one point I was sat in a wheelchair. When I closed my eyes I would feel myself 'whizzing' off. Open them and I was sat right in the same place. Close them and 'wheeeee!!!!' off I'd go again. Not too bad actually that one.
Bowel movement: Opiates bung you up. I just took my first #2 in a week... I won't expand on that, ha ha.
Penis size: On my proudest most 'upstanding' moments, my willy would be about nine inches long, at rest, maybe about five or six. In hospital after morphine, literally about one and a half, to two. Certainly shorter than my pubic hair which I actually wet whilst weeing. When you're at a low ebb, the last thing you need is for your John Thomas to start retreating INTO your body.
So there you go! Horrible, horrible stuff! Next time, nurses that are b**tches!!! (Few and far between I hasten to add....)