Hospitales #1

Jeez! Father K here, quite literally 'back from the dead', and feeling none to the worse for it (OK maybe a bit). It's been as Vinnie Jones once said in Lockstock "emotional". But I'm gonna keep this brief for now. In my new series "Hospitales" (geddit?), I will be exploring the highs and lows of prescription drugs, just exactly how much a man's penis can expand and contract according to mental state (and the ingestion of prescription drugs), nurses that are bitches, seeing dead people, hospital food and just how good a cup of tea can be when you really need one.

Plus the usual amount of shite I promise but never deliver. But I am back, thanks for the good wishes my four favourite correspondents, I'll be in touch soon.

Total Eclipse Of The Heart

Well folks, I'm off into hospital again today, this time for major heart surgery. (Ho hum...) Yes it's the replacement of my right aortic valve, with a plastic one. They did in fact offer me a pig's one, but apparently they only last about twenty years, and I'm a vegetarian anyway, so, um, "no thank you" was my response to that one.

So I'm anxious about how it's going to go. They have to stop my heart for about four hours, putting me on a 'heart/lung machine' whilst they hack up my ol' ticker. There's a 1/50 chance that I won't come out of the op. and a 1/50 chance I'll have a stroke. Nice odds huh? Still, there is a 100% chance that I'll snuff it if I don't have the op. so it's a no brainer really.

On a positive note, I'll be looked after by a top team in hospital, the ever gorgeous and wonderful Mrs. K is being a superstar and will be taking two weeks off to look after me when I get out of hospital in approximately two weeks time. Plus, apart from gaming and blogging, I won't be able to do much else, so hopefully that wil encourage me to update this old place a little more.

So, in short, if this is the last post I make, may I just say how much I've loved meeting my fellow bloggers and gamers (you know who you are), how much I love my wonderful family, Mrs. K, and the 'three gingers', Joe, Mart and Ted. Three songs I wish played at my final send off will be "Will You Be There?" (MJ), "No woman no cry" (Bob Marley) and "Ghetto Gospel" (Tupac). I am, however, rather hoping this will not happen for about twenty years or more, ha ha!

Take care peeps! I'll be seeing you...

Father Krishna - The Video!

A couple of dear friends of mine made this video which they very kindly posted over at the Planet Dreamcast Forums. I never had anything like this before and I'm tickled pink! Thank you Brit and Tom!

St. Nuno

Wow! Has it been over a month since I last posted here? I shamefully know it has been. After my recent shoulder dislocation, I kind of slumped. Not only have I neglected my posting duties, but I've kind of dropped out of the blogosphere in an Elderly type of way.

I haven't posted, and even more shamefully than that, I've neglected to even check out or comment on my fellow blogger's blogs. If I'm honest, I kind of slumped after my injury, having two months off work and slipping into a routine of staying up all night, drinking loads , sleeping all day and vegetating in front of the TV.

Sure, I've played a bit, including Fifa 2007, Call Of Duty 4 and Ninja Gaiden on the DS, Condemned and GTA IV on the 360, God Of War on the PS2, but mostly it's been endless rounds of Maury Povitch, Jerry Springer, Everybody Loves Raymond and King Of Queens on the TV.

So what has kicked my sorry arse into gear? What has inspired me to update this sorry blog? Well peeps, it's all down to one man. One saviour of Portugese proportions. Not only has he discovered a new contributor to both the Dreamcast Junkyard and the Saturn Junkyard, but he has bestowed the most incredible Christmas present on the Krishna household that has arrived in years....

Having waited with baited breath for about three years for the release of Resident Evil 5, checking out every internet snippet, every 360 teaser and video demo, what should pop through my letterbox this afternoon???

Only a fucking playable demo of said game from my hallowed Portugese brother!!! I don't want to blow him up good and proper, 'cos the lovely package I received is in no doubt a tad illegal, but if you are a regular reader of this terribly un-updated missive, you'll know who has furnished me with this terribly exciting CD.

Let's take a snapshot of the moment... December 22, 2008. The postman drops a package through the letter-box. My biggest son, Joe tells me to wake up. (I was snoozing on the sofa at the time, as I have been so many times since mid October...)

I open the envelope and within is a anonymous looking disc with a hand written letter (nice touch Nuno BTW...) I pop it into the Xbox obeying the hand written instructions... Go to the My Games section of the Xbox dashboard and WTF????!!!!! ... I see the RE5 logo and some Japanese gobbleydegook.

Five minutes later, and I'm playing RE5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fucking hell!!! I'd be a liar if I said that little FK wasn't standing proud at that moment... It was a truly beautiful gaming experience. Me and my three boys were glued to the TV, all edging closer to wrestle the controls from each other.

There was a tangible feeling of excitement as we all competed to play the Shanty Town level as Chris Redfield. If I'm honest, I was the crappest, getting eaten by the infected horde much quicker than my two eldest offspring, but I was having some sort of out of body experience at the time!!!

I'm having some sort of posting epiphony at the moment and could go on and on spilling my guts to you all, but it would be wiser to wrap thi up right now... Suffice to say that Nuno has rescued me from a personal slump of major proportions, and his generosity has pulled a brother back from the brink...

So apart from registering my major gratitude to the man, I'd just like to say that my 2009 resolution will to be a return to the international brotherhood that has meant so much to me since I started blogging!

I love you guys and a Merry Christmas to you all.

GTA4 Revelation

Sorry to drone on about something you all probably completed/abandoned/got over months ago, but I can't believe how good GTA4 is. Now I know I shunned the excitement of it's release, neglected to even give it a go even though it was sat under my telly for six months and generally bad mouthed the franchise, but if you know me well that's about par for the course.

Whilst I drooled with anticipation for Umbrella Chronicles and I've still not completed it, chewed my nails off waiting for Soul Calibur IV, only to play it intensely for a couple of weeks before losing interest and currently have Smash Bros (purchased by Gaming Ginger Ninja, Big Mart - 14) without even having given it a look, I've just realised why everyone was so stoked about the release of GTA4...

The back story of Niko Bellic and cousin Roman's rise to notoriety, form the backstreets of "Fuckknowswhere, Eastern Europe", to the seedy, stinking, shit lined streets of Liberty City draws you in from the very start. Characters such as Vlad, Dimitri, Faustin, Little Jacob etc seem realistic (in a Gangster B-Movie type of way...)

The free roam 'sandbox' environment (which originally put me off the Vice City incarnation - as my then eight and six year old sons just used to drive around pointlessly smashing up vehicles, but having a wail of a time...) now seems enthralling and liberating at the same time.

Grabbing a quick police chase for no apparent reason at all, and getting away is a great distraction!

I like the health power ups (burger bars and restaurants), shopping for clothes or weapons, watching the TV and whiling away the hours playing pool, darts, watching a show at the cabaret club, playing the tetris style video game, meeting with Michelle or just cruising around listening to the highly entertaining talk radio shows! The music on offer is great (I find myself choosing the Tuff Gong station mostly...) But I also love the linearity of the missions!

In short, it has everything a game should have, in my opinion. It'll take me an age to complete (and there's no garantee it wont be abandoned, as so many other games I've raved about in the early stages have been when the going gets to tough...) If I've got one small gripe, it's the character rendering that look like they could have been better served by the Dreamcast. Compared to the graphically gorgeous setting of Liberty City, Niko et al look very "uncanny valley" if you get my drift...

If you're wondering where I'm up to in the game, I've just killed Faustin and been set up by Dimitri. Fortunately my bredren Little Jacob helped me kill off all Dimitri's henchmen and we wasted the pigs before fleeing... I was just on my ay to the safehouse when my stupid cousin Roman rang me. Then Mrs. K came in from work and I had to turn it off...LOL!

Still, it's got me looking forward to my next session, if Mrs. K is not demanding the TV to watch "Diagnosis Murder" when I get in from work tomorow...

I'll keep you posted! :P

Big Pimpin' (Cyprus Style!)

This is the first official pic of your's truly in Cyprus. Yes, I know I'm in my 'best man' suit, but I couldn't help feeling a little pimplicious in that get up... Should I turn my attention away from teaching kids and start pimping ho's?

Answers on a postcard please! LOL! =D

I'm Off To Cyprus

OK peeps! I've advertised it enough. But within ten hours I'll be on a plane to a beautiful Mediterranean Isle. Right now in the UK, we've got snow storms invading the earliest Easter for 100 years. OK, I'll miss all that. I'm going to be best man at my best friends wedding... I HAVE to spend a week in Cyprus, whilst the Gingers are tucked away with Grandparents back in the UK.

I've got the PSP and the DS to keep me gaming, but maybe the lure of a foreign country and my best friends wedding, will keep me amused...

I'm a little phased, I don't have opportunities like this thrown my way too often!

Still, thanks to the wonder of the inter-web, I'll be able to keep track of any feedback on my phone! See y'all soon!

Won't The Real Father K Please Stand Up? Please Stand Up? Please Stand Up etc...

I'd always resisted putting any pics of myself out there... (it aint too pretty to look at!) But the time has come to reveal myself to the world... So here goes! Yes folks, that's your good Father sitting in an original Sega Rally machine (one of the many classic arcade games at my caravan site in Wales...)

So there you go! You may wonder why I'm wearing shades indoors... It was to make myself more pimplicious in the photo! (The same as BJ I guess!) Now, why don't I take this opportunity to post some pics of my look-a-likes? Here goes! And I know! Some of these pics require a huge dose of salt and a stretch of the imagination... But some are pretty close! Enjoy!!!

Merry Krishna and a Happy New Year!

Just a quick one, to wish all my dear readers and commentors a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! There's a couple of festive mini games here and here, which I hope you enjoy and a bit of festive video for you all at the top of the page!

My New Year's resolution will be to post a little more often and to try and visit all your blogs a little more often. Wiikly Sermons will now also feature my opinions and thoughts on the 360, as my jolly old cousin, Father Christmas, should hopefully be squeezing one down the chimney tonight!




Hope you all get everything you wish for tomorrow and may 2008 bring you every blessing the good Lord can bring!



(It's me Father Krishna!)

Oh and for my good friend dear Caleb, heres a link to those titties over at the Saturn Junkyard!





Happy holidays!

Red Steel U-Turn!

What can I say? I'm grateful for any readers I can get on any of my blogs, but DAMN! How many U-Turns can I make? The latest is Red Steel... Having wavered and sat on the fence about Red Steel, now I'm doing a complete U-Turn! I love this game!!!

Story? Well the story is pretty standard, you're an L.A. Cop about to marry the daughter of a Japanese Yakuza boss, only on the eve of your wedding, they get kidnapped!!! You then have to battle your way through the game to get them back! Of course you're gonna have to travel from L.A. to Japan, slash and shoot your way through a variety of unfamiliar environments, battle Yakuza and gangsters, and win back your loved one! As a gaijin, you're not going to be well received, but the boss has entrusted you with his sacred katana, so you'll be alright! (See what I'm doing here? I'm dropping in Japanese words like I know shit... And I don't know SHIT!)

Graphics? Well here's the deal... I recently bitched on the Dreamcast Junkyard about how these graphics weren't a patch on Shenmue, which was a last-gen title produced on an older system, over six years ago!... and thats true! The graphics on the Dreamcast's Shenmue far excede this game's, but the money that went into Shenmue, far excede the money that went into Red Steel, and besides, Red Steel is more about the gameplay, more of which later... Ubisoft focused on the control system and it's swordman's-ship... So we'll concentrate on that for now... In a recent video review from IGN that I watched, they accused the graphics of being abit "carboardy"... Now I know that's not a real word but I understand what they were talking about... The cut scenes are 2D animations (and the loading times are criminal), but as a contrary mofo, I'll postulate that within the context of the game they work!!

Musical score? OK! One of the best musical score of any game I've ever played! The only score that can fit the bill as well, in any media I've ever experienced would be the musical score for the Matrix! (And that was damn fine!!!) There's plenty of J Pop (which I've come to love through J and Elderly) sprinkled into the mix, as well as excellent anonymous 'action music' that springs into life whenever you've got a Yakuza battle on your hands... Did I mention my love of all things Japanese? Since playing Shenmue, I've been a Japanophile... I love the language, the culture, the rendered Cityscapes, the neon signs in Japanese... BASICALLY EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!

Gameplay? Stunning! This is a FPS peeps, and usually that would have me turning off any console at the start... But somehow I've managed to get past my aversion on this game... I love only being able to see my forearms! Wether carrying a sword or wielding an Uzi, it just feels so RIGHT! You've got a forgiving "checkpoint" game save system, so you never have to replay too much if you fuck up...

Control System? Let's move on! The Wii-mote is your point and click gun, and also your sword... Your nunchuck helpfully reloads your gun, and acts as a parrying, defensive smaller sword... If your arsenal is running low, step over any weapon that you've already got and your bullet count is increased... Better weapon presents itself, and you can swap! Basically, as you progess through the game, you can increase your weapon stash! Which is good! You've got a lot of enemies to fight! And sword fighting is just great! Use your Wii-mote to hack and slash, your nunchuck to defend and parry... Once you've played a bit this becomes intuitive and you can defeat the most hardcore bosses...

Oh! and I forgot to mention that I'm playing this game using the official strategy guide? For those of you that don't know what that is, it's a walkthrough that is published by the game developer, but you have to pay for! But I didn't! I got mine for free! When I bought Red Steel, I grabbed a strategy guide off the shelf to help me through my quest. Due to a till/register fuck up, the price came up as 1p! And the dude behind the counter gave it me for free!! Happy days!

Links? OK, to create some kind of context and perspective, I'll need to post a few! For better reviews look here, here and here...

And BTW! Can I just say that this is a vastly inferior review than the one that Blogger fucked up! Despite the new auto-save feature Blogger is still a cunt! DON'T TRUST BLOGGER! I'm going on vacation for two weeks to my Lighthouse in Wales, I'm taking my PS2 and DS, so I'll post some reviews of games on those consoles when I get back! Happy days!

Red Steel - Ubi Soft
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